News of Chester Bennington’s death has taken all week to process within my over analytical head. I've heard / seen people playing LP songs the last few days and sharing thoughts but I subconsciously decided to remain silent. And then suddenly tonight I saw Linkin Park's own message and it hit me, that it simply torments me inside to know a person whose persona inhabited a chunk of my psyche over the years, is simply gone.
In the year 2000 (the year we got Sky & I became obsessed with music channels) the Crawling video came on MTV and I distinctly remember 9 year old me secretly found her niche. I was immediately hooked, but simultaneously thought "better switch the channel before my preacher's-son Dad comes in and frowns severely".
The first week of high school, 2002, somebody gave me Hybrid Theory to borrow on the school bus and I put it straight into my CD walkman, and there it stayed for weeks on repeat (I actually never gave it back and only recently found it broken!! I hope said person either doesn't read this or doesn't remember hahah) That's when Meteora came out and it was one of the first CDs I bought with my very own money haha. Meteora remains in my top 10 albums ever. Serious character building material for the young aspiring musician in me.
Truthfully, Chester's voice was the very first musically influential presence in my little adolescent world, I knew every lyric and got inside every thought he turned into art and instantly became a lifelong fan. I belted out his melodies as warm ups before my own performances. The poetry in his words were my comfort when I was dealing with my own dark times. I can think now of specific songs and specific lines that calmed me down when I was crying.
There was and is something truly gripping about what lies behind that unique & haunting voice. Granted, frontmen always get a lot of credit and praise, but you can really see, especially from the band's statement here, that he was the cord that tied them together. How utterly heartbreaking that his presence in so many lives suddenly disappears. I guess he achieved projecting a strong facade that managed to somehow soften the harsh reality of the struggle you clearly hear in his artistic expression. As so many artists do, myself included, he used pain as fuel for what he created and in the end got tangled up in a false reality.
It pains me to think that each time somebody in the media is portrayed as losing that fight and the issue resurfaces, we collectively remember that it's a never ending battle for the human race. Our greatest enemy is within ourselves; the Ego. You can never really save anybody from that with anything you say or do. All we've got is to be alert and to be Present. I am learning as of late, that being Present to ourselves and others is the most valuable, selfless act. That is what will ultimately save each other. It's not so much about what we have to learn, but more what we have to unlearn. Because Presence is the most simplest form of all. It's becoming increasingly apparent that mankind is advancing down that road of discovery and I am enthralled to be a part of it. Consciousness. And the reason I'm going on about this is because I believe suicide only stems from unconsciousness. The unconscious Self becomes so tied up with ego that it cannot differentiate anymore and the only way out seems to be death.
I've always truly believed that it's part of my calling to help restore life where something seems missing. It's when things like this draw my attention again it wakes me up to remember what I want to be to other people. I'm vowing, once again, to stay focused on this goal. We're all fighting an internal battle on some level or other, but some of us have mastered the ability to identify it, and that's when change really happens. Depression, and any mental health issue for that matter, is nowhere near as taboo as it once was. Most people today know that there is more help available than ever for this illness, call it what you will, but I guess we aren't all aware of what exactly that is. I feel like we owe it to our brothers and sisters on this planet to become informed and aware of ways in which we can support each other, and to be braver in reaching out when we get the sense that someone needs it.
So, in the meantime, my heart goes out to the family and friends that are so cruelly affected. Somebody had to find Chester. Someone always has to 'find them'. And as empathic as I am, I hope I never have to fully comprehend how that must feel. There is never just one victim of suicide.
I'm still glad to think that his will be a voice my children listen to, and I'll tell them of what impact the band had while I was growing up, and how painful it is that depression took its grip on yet another talented, exuberant and unforgettable soul, but that within pain, there is always opportunity to learn and to grow. I don't know why I felt compelled to write all of this tonight but I guess a 'celebrity' passing has never hit me as hard, and depression has never felt as relatable.
Thank you Chester for the inspiration, the comfort and the pleasure. All that's left to be said is, rest, in peace.
In the year 2000 (the year we got Sky & I became obsessed with music channels) the Crawling video came on MTV and I distinctly remember 9 year old me secretly found her niche. I was immediately hooked, but simultaneously thought "better switch the channel before my preacher's-son Dad comes in and frowns severely".
The first week of high school, 2002, somebody gave me Hybrid Theory to borrow on the school bus and I put it straight into my CD walkman, and there it stayed for weeks on repeat (I actually never gave it back and only recently found it broken!! I hope said person either doesn't read this or doesn't remember hahah) That's when Meteora came out and it was one of the first CDs I bought with my very own money haha. Meteora remains in my top 10 albums ever. Serious character building material for the young aspiring musician in me.
Truthfully, Chester's voice was the very first musically influential presence in my little adolescent world, I knew every lyric and got inside every thought he turned into art and instantly became a lifelong fan. I belted out his melodies as warm ups before my own performances. The poetry in his words were my comfort when I was dealing with my own dark times. I can think now of specific songs and specific lines that calmed me down when I was crying.
There was and is something truly gripping about what lies behind that unique & haunting voice. Granted, frontmen always get a lot of credit and praise, but you can really see, especially from the band's statement here, that he was the cord that tied them together. How utterly heartbreaking that his presence in so many lives suddenly disappears. I guess he achieved projecting a strong facade that managed to somehow soften the harsh reality of the struggle you clearly hear in his artistic expression. As so many artists do, myself included, he used pain as fuel for what he created and in the end got tangled up in a false reality.
It pains me to think that each time somebody in the media is portrayed as losing that fight and the issue resurfaces, we collectively remember that it's a never ending battle for the human race. Our greatest enemy is within ourselves; the Ego. You can never really save anybody from that with anything you say or do. All we've got is to be alert and to be Present. I am learning as of late, that being Present to ourselves and others is the most valuable, selfless act. That is what will ultimately save each other. It's not so much about what we have to learn, but more what we have to unlearn. Because Presence is the most simplest form of all. It's becoming increasingly apparent that mankind is advancing down that road of discovery and I am enthralled to be a part of it. Consciousness. And the reason I'm going on about this is because I believe suicide only stems from unconsciousness. The unconscious Self becomes so tied up with ego that it cannot differentiate anymore and the only way out seems to be death.
I've always truly believed that it's part of my calling to help restore life where something seems missing. It's when things like this draw my attention again it wakes me up to remember what I want to be to other people. I'm vowing, once again, to stay focused on this goal. We're all fighting an internal battle on some level or other, but some of us have mastered the ability to identify it, and that's when change really happens. Depression, and any mental health issue for that matter, is nowhere near as taboo as it once was. Most people today know that there is more help available than ever for this illness, call it what you will, but I guess we aren't all aware of what exactly that is. I feel like we owe it to our brothers and sisters on this planet to become informed and aware of ways in which we can support each other, and to be braver in reaching out when we get the sense that someone needs it.
So, in the meantime, my heart goes out to the family and friends that are so cruelly affected. Somebody had to find Chester. Someone always has to 'find them'. And as empathic as I am, I hope I never have to fully comprehend how that must feel. There is never just one victim of suicide.
I'm still glad to think that his will be a voice my children listen to, and I'll tell them of what impact the band had while I was growing up, and how painful it is that depression took its grip on yet another talented, exuberant and unforgettable soul, but that within pain, there is always opportunity to learn and to grow. I don't know why I felt compelled to write all of this tonight but I guess a 'celebrity' passing has never hit me as hard, and depression has never felt as relatable.
Thank you Chester for the inspiration, the comfort and the pleasure. All that's left to be said is, rest, in peace.
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