One for the ladies. Boys, you are most welcome. All: keep an open mind.
It's Mothering Sunday, March 30th 2014. I'm sat in a room with four mothers, the eldest of whom is one of the greatest mother figures I've ever personally known. She's 94.5 years of age, and beside her sits her daughter, and beside that daughter sits that daughter's daughter, and beside that daughter sits that daughter's daughter, and on that daughter's lap sits that daughter's 4 month old daughter, cooing and clutching at her Great Great Grandmother's arm.
Yep, I'm describing to you 5 living generations of one family. My own family. My niece, my sister, my mum, my Nanna, & my great Nana sat up in her bed, the metaphorical throne of this wonderful little family tree. What a poignant and heart-warming moment. I wanted to freeze time for a good long while, and just sit and watch them hold each other's hands, share stories and laughter, and sadly, but not regretfully, tears. It was sorta surreal.
There is so much to be learnt from our mothers (and their mothers). Take the time to explore your ancestry, it doesn't have to go very far back to amaze you! Keep stories alive within the family, you'll be surprised where they can take you. Ways of life, musings, advice taken from experience of mistakes and successes, humour to be passed down and kept alive, life itself. In their truest state, there is pure and vibrant life in their very words. Mothers are our source, after all. They gave life to us, and we give it to the children we create. Every single one of us, man or woman, adult or child, is on a completely unique journey, exclusive to us, with moments that only we can work our way through. But on that slow and hazy afternoon, I looked at five separate individual women, and myself, and I felt that we were so deeply connected, by even more than blood.
I felt a lot that afternoon. Admiration was a key feeling; I watched my Nanna, who I see a lot of, & the way she related to her mother, who I don't see as much of. I remember more interaction between them when I was younger. But now, to see her anguish at her mother's pain. It's tough. My Great Nana is full of life and spirit but it wouldn't be true to say she isn't suffering. Another thing playing on my mind was this: to watch a loved one in pain feels almost physical to us. It's tangible; you want to reach out and embrace them and absorb it from them and see them smile in ease. But for that loved one to turn to you, and feel your emotional pain, and express concern for you no matter how much she should be the one concerned for, is indescribable. I watched that too, in more than one of them. And I felt honoured being little old me, sister/daughter/auntie, not yet a mother, just beholding these women I so dearly love, taking example from each of them. I cherish everything that each one of them has taught me, indirectly more than not. Even their shortcomings are my perfect life lessons.
I do count my relationship with my family as an honour. I know how different things could be, and I know full well how not all of us are so lucky to spend time with such special significant women like this. If you're reading this now and you know the pain of the loss of a treasured woman in your life, I condole you more than words can say. I send my biggest and warmest hugs to you, and pray that there is another in your life - man or woman - who honours that role of caring, supporting, rooting and looking out for you. But if you have been so lucky enough to know what that feels like in the first place, then never let those memories go and declare yourself blessed.
Innately (regardless of nurture) there is power in a woman that cannot be found in a man. A tenderness that relates itself more deeply, an example that manifests itself more softly, a comfort that is accessible with boldness, a vulnerability that helps you accept your own weaknesses, a strength that carries grandeur in its unexpectedness. I, personally, believe life was just made that way. 'Male' and 'female' are two halves of one race. Some want to be both or neither. And I like that. Why? Because self expression, in its rawest form, is one of the most fundamental human rights. You've been given a soul - that inexplicable part of our makeup - USE IT. It's what makes you 'you'. I just wish it was safer for everyone to do so. (I realise this is a whole other topic! And it could crop up again before I round this up, ha)
Wouldn't you say we, as boys & girls, compliment each other? I'd go so far as to say, we complete each other. We carry diverse qualities and roles, and that's ok. His mind is shaped that way, hers is shaped this way; placed together, they fit. (NB: I'm not talking solely about romantic relationships here, I'm talking about male and female interaction and coexistence; friends/partners/family/anyone.)
We don't have to make up the 100% on our own; we are wise to open ourselves up to our opposites and LEARN, DERIVE, GROW, CONNECT, JOIN. We're never gonna have it all together alone. Even if as one gender you decide you don't want the other gender in your life - if you are a woman who says she doesn't need men, whether you're in a same sex relationship or you just have a network of women around you whom you trust/appreciate/who add all you need to your life - you can't deny that you still interact with men. They have some sort of impact on you - whether it's their presence or absence, you know how you feel towards them and how they alter your perspective! Vice versa for guys. Scientifically speaking, all emotional speculation aside, we are different. We're never gonna have the same sets of chromosomes. We ('ideally') have two: XY or XX. We're BUILT and WIRED different by birth! But 'different' does not mean 'alien'. Embrace it. Add to what you've got, take on whichever qualities you desire. Look at the power of each gender, and let it strengthen who you are.
I look at those I most admire in my own life, personal existing relationships and desirable relationships, and I know that I need my significant ladies around. I look at men - just as I'm sure you do as a man OR a woman - and I see their need for women. I look at women and see their need for men! I'm using the word 'need' here, use whatever word you see fit, I hope you catch my drift.
Here's a thought. To know the importance of a mothering role, look at the mother/child relationships of those closest to you, and let it speak for itself.
Maybe right now you're thinking of someone you've had trouble with, and hitting the realisation that they are either not close, she's missing from their life altogether, has passed away, or has hurt them in some way, and so on. It clicks doesn't it? That guy that makes you feel respected and secure and confident. What does his connection with his mother look like? The girl that sleeps around and has no self worth and no commitment ability in friendships and relationships... How does she relate with her mum? I'm not saying this is a golden rule, so please don't quote me / hold this against me! I just speak from personal experience and observation, I've seen it time and time over, and I'm pretty sure if you spoke to a psychology professional or two, you'd hear similar ideas. I think? Ha.
HEY, females: you are so important to the balance of this world. Don't ever believe you are less. As revolutionary as the modern-day state of things have seemingly turned out to be in Western civilisation, there should never have been any 'revolution' in the first place, and there can still be that niggling doubt in a lot of us that one of the sexes is the dominant one... Erm no. We are ALL human beings, we are ALL called to embrace equality. We just have different things to offer. You and I are no better or worse than the next. Just learn to love a little, and offer understanding rather than confrontation. Battle of the sexes? It's not a battle, y'all. There's revelation #1.
So. Mother's Day is not just a day for mothers, is it? A visit to any card shop around the time of this internationally recognised occasion will tell you that. 'You're like a mum to me' was a common message I spotted. Most of us humans have another special female human in our lives, a mother figure of some sort (but he may even be a man! Doing a motherly job of taking another human under your wing, is a privilege to all, regardless of what bits you have in your pants. I'm not undermining you wonderful men here. Just let me stick to my point...) Basically, we need a mother. It's such a strong & forceful concept in the very nature of our world, since the beginning of time. Look at how the importance of a mother is a recurring theme throughout so many religions and ways of life. Christianity - Mary, Buddhism - Queen Maya, Paganism - Earth Mother, Hinduism, and so many more that I'm not nearly educated enough to comment on.... I'm just aware of enough to know that the wisest people in the history of time hold their mothers/mother figures in reverence. The bottom line is, a mother is so much more than a birthing vessel and sustenance provider. The enormity of motherhood is too often undermined and undervalued.
OH AND BY THE WAY, just because you have breasts, doesn't mean you have to become a mum yourself. I'm not saying a woman's sole purpose is to be a wife and mother so, please, do not get me wrong! It's perfectly admirable to enjoy your journey as whatever the heck you want to be, without children. You could make the greatest impact on others in a million forms. All walks of life have beautiful potential. Just make sure you respect those around you who do want to take that baby-making path. It's a bloody tough job as far as I can tell.
To summarise this ESSAY you just read, cherish the ladies you are lucky enough to encounter and look up to. One warming thought to part with: As we left my Nana's home at the end of the evening, her goodbye, with a smile, was this, "Nothing wrong with me, I'm fine, don't worry about me". A true mother's sentiment.
Jeeeeeez I never intended to write anything like this, I just wanted to talk about my cute family! Haha! And don't worry, I have plenty of beautiful things to say about men, too. This was a belated tribute to our mums, sisters, daughters, aunties, friends, mentors.. I'll save the man praise for Father's Day. ;)
P.S. May I just pay extra tribute to my little sister Naomi Faith, who is such a compellingly wonderful new mummy, you've astounded me in the best sense possible. I hope you enjoyed your first Mother's Day with your family and your ridiculously gorgeous Autumn Hope. You have the most beautiful sort of pride about you. You're now my example, for showing such unconditional, unyielding love to another human being.
Yep, I'm describing to you 5 living generations of one family. My own family. My niece, my sister, my mum, my Nanna, & my great Nana sat up in her bed, the metaphorical throne of this wonderful little family tree. What a poignant and heart-warming moment. I wanted to freeze time for a good long while, and just sit and watch them hold each other's hands, share stories and laughter, and sadly, but not regretfully, tears. It was sorta surreal.
And so I did - I took this. 5 hands of 5 generations of beautiful ladies.
There is so much to be learnt from our mothers (and their mothers). Take the time to explore your ancestry, it doesn't have to go very far back to amaze you! Keep stories alive within the family, you'll be surprised where they can take you. Ways of life, musings, advice taken from experience of mistakes and successes, humour to be passed down and kept alive, life itself. In their truest state, there is pure and vibrant life in their very words. Mothers are our source, after all. They gave life to us, and we give it to the children we create. Every single one of us, man or woman, adult or child, is on a completely unique journey, exclusive to us, with moments that only we can work our way through. But on that slow and hazy afternoon, I looked at five separate individual women, and myself, and I felt that we were so deeply connected, by even more than blood.
I felt a lot that afternoon. Admiration was a key feeling; I watched my Nanna, who I see a lot of, & the way she related to her mother, who I don't see as much of. I remember more interaction between them when I was younger. But now, to see her anguish at her mother's pain. It's tough. My Great Nana is full of life and spirit but it wouldn't be true to say she isn't suffering. Another thing playing on my mind was this: to watch a loved one in pain feels almost physical to us. It's tangible; you want to reach out and embrace them and absorb it from them and see them smile in ease. But for that loved one to turn to you, and feel your emotional pain, and express concern for you no matter how much she should be the one concerned for, is indescribable. I watched that too, in more than one of them. And I felt honoured being little old me, sister/daughter/auntie, not yet a mother, just beholding these women I so dearly love, taking example from each of them. I cherish everything that each one of them has taught me, indirectly more than not. Even their shortcomings are my perfect life lessons.
I do count my relationship with my family as an honour. I know how different things could be, and I know full well how not all of us are so lucky to spend time with such special significant women like this. If you're reading this now and you know the pain of the loss of a treasured woman in your life, I condole you more than words can say. I send my biggest and warmest hugs to you, and pray that there is another in your life - man or woman - who honours that role of caring, supporting, rooting and looking out for you. But if you have been so lucky enough to know what that feels like in the first place, then never let those memories go and declare yourself blessed.
Innately (regardless of nurture) there is power in a woman that cannot be found in a man. A tenderness that relates itself more deeply, an example that manifests itself more softly, a comfort that is accessible with boldness, a vulnerability that helps you accept your own weaknesses, a strength that carries grandeur in its unexpectedness. I, personally, believe life was just made that way. 'Male' and 'female' are two halves of one race. Some want to be both or neither. And I like that. Why? Because self expression, in its rawest form, is one of the most fundamental human rights. You've been given a soul - that inexplicable part of our makeup - USE IT. It's what makes you 'you'. I just wish it was safer for everyone to do so. (I realise this is a whole other topic! And it could crop up again before I round this up, ha)
Wouldn't you say we, as boys & girls, compliment each other? I'd go so far as to say, we complete each other. We carry diverse qualities and roles, and that's ok. His mind is shaped that way, hers is shaped this way; placed together, they fit. (NB: I'm not talking solely about romantic relationships here, I'm talking about male and female interaction and coexistence; friends/partners/family/anyone.)
We don't have to make up the 100% on our own; we are wise to open ourselves up to our opposites and LEARN, DERIVE, GROW, CONNECT, JOIN. We're never gonna have it all together alone. Even if as one gender you decide you don't want the other gender in your life - if you are a woman who says she doesn't need men, whether you're in a same sex relationship or you just have a network of women around you whom you trust/appreciate/who add all you need to your life - you can't deny that you still interact with men. They have some sort of impact on you - whether it's their presence or absence, you know how you feel towards them and how they alter your perspective! Vice versa for guys. Scientifically speaking, all emotional speculation aside, we are different. We're never gonna have the same sets of chromosomes. We ('ideally') have two: XY or XX. We're BUILT and WIRED different by birth! But 'different' does not mean 'alien'. Embrace it. Add to what you've got, take on whichever qualities you desire. Look at the power of each gender, and let it strengthen who you are.
I look at those I most admire in my own life, personal existing relationships and desirable relationships, and I know that I need my significant ladies around. I look at men - just as I'm sure you do as a man OR a woman - and I see their need for women. I look at women and see their need for men! I'm using the word 'need' here, use whatever word you see fit, I hope you catch my drift.
Here's a thought. To know the importance of a mothering role, look at the mother/child relationships of those closest to you, and let it speak for itself.
Maybe right now you're thinking of someone you've had trouble with, and hitting the realisation that they are either not close, she's missing from their life altogether, has passed away, or has hurt them in some way, and so on. It clicks doesn't it? That guy that makes you feel respected and secure and confident. What does his connection with his mother look like? The girl that sleeps around and has no self worth and no commitment ability in friendships and relationships... How does she relate with her mum? I'm not saying this is a golden rule, so please don't quote me / hold this against me! I just speak from personal experience and observation, I've seen it time and time over, and I'm pretty sure if you spoke to a psychology professional or two, you'd hear similar ideas. I think? Ha.
HEY, females: you are so important to the balance of this world. Don't ever believe you are less. As revolutionary as the modern-day state of things have seemingly turned out to be in Western civilisation, there should never have been any 'revolution' in the first place, and there can still be that niggling doubt in a lot of us that one of the sexes is the dominant one... Erm no. We are ALL human beings, we are ALL called to embrace equality. We just have different things to offer. You and I are no better or worse than the next. Just learn to love a little, and offer understanding rather than confrontation. Battle of the sexes? It's not a battle, y'all. There's revelation #1.
So. Mother's Day is not just a day for mothers, is it? A visit to any card shop around the time of this internationally recognised occasion will tell you that. 'You're like a mum to me' was a common message I spotted. Most of us humans have another special female human in our lives, a mother figure of some sort (but he may even be a man! Doing a motherly job of taking another human under your wing, is a privilege to all, regardless of what bits you have in your pants. I'm not undermining you wonderful men here. Just let me stick to my point...) Basically, we need a mother. It's such a strong & forceful concept in the very nature of our world, since the beginning of time. Look at how the importance of a mother is a recurring theme throughout so many religions and ways of life. Christianity - Mary, Buddhism - Queen Maya, Paganism - Earth Mother, Hinduism, and so many more that I'm not nearly educated enough to comment on.... I'm just aware of enough to know that the wisest people in the history of time hold their mothers/mother figures in reverence. The bottom line is, a mother is so much more than a birthing vessel and sustenance provider. The enormity of motherhood is too often undermined and undervalued.
OH AND BY THE WAY, just because you have breasts, doesn't mean you have to become a mum yourself. I'm not saying a woman's sole purpose is to be a wife and mother so, please, do not get me wrong! It's perfectly admirable to enjoy your journey as whatever the heck you want to be, without children. You could make the greatest impact on others in a million forms. All walks of life have beautiful potential. Just make sure you respect those around you who do want to take that baby-making path. It's a bloody tough job as far as I can tell.
To summarise this ESSAY you just read, cherish the ladies you are lucky enough to encounter and look up to. One warming thought to part with: As we left my Nana's home at the end of the evening, her goodbye, with a smile, was this, "Nothing wrong with me, I'm fine, don't worry about me". A true mother's sentiment.
Jeeeeeez I never intended to write anything like this, I just wanted to talk about my cute family! Haha! And don't worry, I have plenty of beautiful things to say about men, too. This was a belated tribute to our mums, sisters, daughters, aunties, friends, mentors.. I'll save the man praise for Father's Day. ;)
P.S. May I just pay extra tribute to my little sister Naomi Faith, who is such a compellingly wonderful new mummy, you've astounded me in the best sense possible. I hope you enjoyed your first Mother's Day with your family and your ridiculously gorgeous Autumn Hope. You have the most beautiful sort of pride about you. You're now my example, for showing such unconditional, unyielding love to another human being.
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