Being Present.

I let this blog completely slip over the past year or so. I can't even call it a blog when I write one random post per 6 months. There are, no lie, about 20 drafts sitting on my dashboard as I write this, various pieces and themes that I've wanted to share my thoughts on, but never quite got to the end of, and given up on altogether.

However, today I write this from an old computer in a hostel in Chicago, and let me tell you my mind has never been clearer. I could get choked up thinking about it. And I really want to share what's on my heart so I'm gonna break the year of writer's block! If you can even call it that. Haha I'm not a 'writer'. WUTEVER, here goes.

My 64gb iPhone 6 containing 5000 digital memories of the past year of my life that I stupidly have never backed up, my sole form of communication while I'm alone in this huge foreign city, got stolen from me in Chicago today. After getting my purse stolen on my last trip, this time around I have been so maticulously careful with my possessions. But today, I was outsmarted (it really was sneaky, ask me if you want to know). But when it happened, do you know who helped me the most? Not the staff in the coffee shop I was in. Not the well-to-do customers or passers by who saw me crying. A homeless couple living on the streets, not much older than me, who had been sitting outside where it happened, rushed over to me immediately. They gave me their time, use of their battered old phone, their advice, their compassion - I sat with them, on the concrete on my butt in my beautiful new skirt that I bought yesterday, and I sobbed, and the girl hugged me. She didn't smell too good, and I was conscious that I didn't look too lady like, but I let it all go and I hugged her back. With my messy tear-stained face I listened intently as they told me stories of their most precious possessions being stolen in the past, and how we pour our lives into little devices that in actual fact hold us back more than they help us, and that everything will work itself out and I will soon discover that I'm about to have more of an adventure than ever now that I'm relying solely on myself, my instincts, and interaction with others. My eyes are going to be up on the road instead of down on my phone.

And I know this stuff. I know the latest bit of technology is not a necessity. But the way I'm processing this today is huge for me. This connects a whole series of events that have taken place over the past week, strangers I've met and crazy conversations I've had, the book I've been reading, and not that I believe this was 'meant to happen' or anything mad like that but I'm certainly in the optimum state of mind to deal with it more than I would ever have been in the past. I'm a HUGE sentimental person, 99% of you can't even imagine how weird & attached I get to stuff, so I'm shocked at how I'm rationalising my thinking and seeing the bigger picture right now, because I had so much attachment to that phone. It will hit me today, and tomorrow, and the next day, how much was actually on there and the things that I've lost. I'll realise how much I used it 24/7 when I can't set an alarm or look at a map or screenshot important information or text someone for advice, let alone all of the social media I'm addicted to. The memories in those photos, videos, voice recordings and lyrics that I have made my phone a safe place for. That's what's choking me up. A phone is just money, but all evidence of my 'creativity' for want of a better term, is gone. But I don't know.. I just know with an underlying steadfast assurance, that it's fine.

To scroll through the news today (I've been a little out of touch the past week) I'm painfully reminded how to some, getting their hands on a phone that could do all the things my phone could do for me as a solo young female traveller, would be the greatest blessing they ever experienced; to even do something as simple/overlooked as snapping pictures of their loved ones, let alone live in a safe environment where they aren't fearing for their lives because of terrorism or corrupt governments. What a mess things are Today. And yet, in my little microcosm of life, losing an iphone is devastating to me? Nope. I'm not OK with that. I am not prepared to call myself devastated, when there is death and destruction and loss in every nation across the globe. I have a grip on my perspective. I am safe and fed and clothed and I'm on an exciting adventure the other side of the world from home and my gratitude exudes. So I take the focus of my thoughts and prayers off myself and send them to those suffering and fleeing all that they know right now in search of safety - children and adults and elderly alike, all longing for sanctuary. My heart goes out.

Perspective is key. Perspective is freedom. My aim for this blog was always to encourage and inspire. Both myself and others. Kinda like a public diary for discussion. Some of my peers write fantastic themed blogs about travel or food or fashion or self help etc. and I get a lot from them. So I hope mine stands as what I set out for it to be and that others can gain something from it. This is my 'niche'. Sharing heart.

I keep a travel journal each time I go away, and it's funny to flick back over it today and see the things I have been contemplating before I was mugged. I've been saying things like this -

"I want to push boundaries more than ever in these coming weeks. I need to quash my ego, rein in my prideful attitudes, take more risks and gain humble confidence."

Looking back at this, I can identify that a huge source of pride for me were the memories I keep talking about. The recordings of melodies and lyrics are different, because that was my form of art. But hey I'll just make more. BUT the photos and videos of all my trips this year and the cool things I've done or the times I think I've looked pretty or the group friends photos I've taken... The attachment I have had to that device and the reliance for it to make me look good and impress other people, is sickening. That's not something I'm alone in. In essence that is what is happening to the majority of us who are using these apps and forms of social media, pouring our minds into a little device the size of our hands from which we seek gratification. Yes, photos are precious memories, and sometimes I look back at pictures of my niece or maybe a funny video of friends and it's purely for me; it makes my heart warm. But 90% of it is ego based. Think about it... The stuff stored on our phones and cameras is all about 'I did this, I did that, *my* life looks great on this photo.... this video, this will impress people...' it's tying us down. Puts us in chains. We don't feel the moment that we're in because we think by capturing it digitally we're 'saving it for later' but how disconnected is that? For me it's often live gigs. I've made a conscious effort to stop taking photos and videos these days, and lose myself in the music instead. Because what, am I gonna be like 'hey everyone look at the show I went to, I saw this band and you didn't, they were awesome I had an awesome time'? Yes! That's exactly what I have done in the past. And it's not "wrong", but it's sort of self-serving. And in turn I'm missing out on the euphoria of the magic and art that is happening in that very room.

What is it for you? Have a scroll through some of the recent memories you've captured and just consider for a moment: were you really present? Or were you thinking ahead about how that photo or video or status update could future serve your ego?

Isn't it scary to talk this way? What an egotistical time to be alive. Take Kim Kardashian, who published an entire book about it (Simply titled "Selfish") and made millions more $$ on top of what she already wallows in, and we don't bat an eyelid. To quote Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth -

"The act of recognition [of the ego] itself is one of the ways awakening happens."

Personally, I need to be free. This 'theft' is just another piece in my puzzle. More intricate stitches in my grand tapestry. And I now need to reach back into where I truly hold the memories, in my heart just as the world used to before smartphones were a thing ha. And that is enough. I am gonna get myself a disposable camera though!!

Going back to the homeless couple that helped me. They were beautiful souls, oh my gosh, it makes me cry thinking about it. I thank God they were there, to put it into perspective for me straight away. One of them said that there's a reason I'm meant to be here, without my phone, and I believed him. It clicked for me. When they had written out directions for me to where I needed to get to, I gave them some money and they didn't even want to take it (I insisted so they did). But how funny that the ones who have the least, had the room to give the most? I tried contacting some "friends" who live nearby, after it happened, to see if anyone could help me out. And I got nothing. But the homeless couple, damn I didn't even get their names, were just so selfless and ready to be there. They were present. The good samaritans.

I joked with them that I had been writing in my journal about how I needed to grow less attached to my phone, and how when my battery died whilst out the previous day I'd had a beautiful afternoon taking everything in more and finding my own way without maps etc -- but did the universe really have to rip off the band aid this way? Couldn't I do it in my own time?! Haha. And then threw my hands up to the sky wailing 'why God, why'... it was so liberating to laugh in the face of adversity. They laughed with me and I felt content. Not scared, or angry, or bitter, like I would have expected to be.

There are various reasons I wanted to share this today. Sympathy was not one of them, so don't give it to me because I'm fine I don't need it. I'm hoping that maybe this will help someone else? I'm letting go of something that so often holds me back and I guess I'm encouraging you too that it's OK. I know that in order to progress in my life and my purpose, in order for a shift to take place in my consciousness, there has to be abrupt change. Do you know that? Do you know that amidst your suffering, or your ecstasy, or your gain of new knowledge, you are taking steps towards a new mindset that will lead you closer to your true Self? I'm embracing the process of exposing my soul for anyone to read this today, because it's cathartic; cleansing. And I really encourage you to talk to me about any spiritual journey you are on, no matter what walk of life. I had the most beautiful conversation with a stranger on the beach this week, and we spoke about the collective movement of love and mindfulness that is spreading throughout the world at this present moment more than ever. Do you feel like you're on board? If you've been feeling like that but maybe there's something in the way, please send me an email! I'd say send me a text but... sore subject. I love nothing more than to talk about the great and wondrous journey of self discovery.

We human beings are majestically beautiful creatures, whether we are giving our time or our money, or we are stealing possessions from unsuspecting strangers. I'm serious. It's true. We all innately possess that potential beauty from the moment of inception. It's just some of us are aware of it, and some of us are yet to awaken. My prayer is that the man who took something so important from me yesterday, will find himself not too far away from now. Whatever he does with my 'property', may it serve him in a way he wasn't quite expecting it to. The funny thing is, I had a little fortune cookie quote stuck to the back of my phone cover, which said "when you continually give, you will continually receive". I wonder what those words will say to him?

Life goes on. And in the past 24 hours since it happened, I have immersed myself in everything other than technology (until using this computer, which I am grateful for. I'm not exactly gonna go cold turkey and I do need to contact the outside world) and I've met some wonderful, wonderful people who have been so kind. And hey it doesn't necessarily have to be a phone, or a laptop or a computer or a camera or any technology that is holding you back. They're just huge distracting factors in modern day life. But it could be anything; I'm sure as you're reading this now you're identifying aspects of your life that are submerged in Ego and you know it's hindering you. I'm not suggesting you get careless with your possessions or offer yourself to get mugged. Ha, man, I am not happy about what has happened to me, but, I'm not angry either. I have just seen the flip side of the coin - in crisis, there is always opportunity. I am balanced. I am present. I am content.

Drop me a message if you want to talk more. And my tip for the day would be to get your hands on any of Eckhart Tolle's writing! His style may not be for everyone; he is very 'out there' and you might not agree with some of his beliefs but fundamentally you cannot deny the enlightenment with which he speaks. This book is taking me on the best journey right now. So, I promise to write more very soon, and maybe recover some of the old drafts that I might now be in a better mindset to communicate!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and do life. Chicago is one mindblowing city, and I can't wait to explore it more with a renewed perspective. And my mummy is joining me tonight for the whole week! Which is just perfect timing, so excited to pick her up at the airport later. I'm in the US two more weeks and hope to reconnect with friends in other cities in the next few days.. it's such an exciting trip and I'm only a third of the way through! Wish me luck :)