Dying to run away, with lots & lots of donuts.

In this daydream, I'd like it to be raining, and I'd like to be in a forest in the mountains, and I'd like to find a cliff and sit on the edge looking down over a town, maybe, stuffing my face with said donuts. This is because I'm feeling low, ohhh so low, and that mental image makes me feel happy... Being above the business of everyday life, all futile stress far far below, the clouds at eyeline taking my worry with them as they drift away. Doesn't it sound delightful? Soppy, but delightful.

I feel heavy! So heavy and sunken. Like a boat carrying too much weight, being dragged down and filling with water, becoming too overloaded to stay afloat; a bird carrying a victim of prey too large to stay in flight, choosing either to slowly lose grip on the catch, or keep its grip on the catch and drop height swiftly.

Paint my nails black and call me an emo, but I'm down in the dumps. Everything gets to me so easily! Granted, it's thaaaat tiiiime of month, but nevertheless, I'm not dealing with things at the best of times either. What's going so wrong that I want to escape? Or is that normal...? Maybe you need that restful period every once in a while. I just hate being so snappy when I'm forced to be around people, I don't want my loved ones to despise my company. I try to be patient, I do! And normally, I would see the things they do out of order, and I'd deal with it calmly, or not deal with it at all and just forget about it. But lately, I've been going BOOM! at little things. Things that are most definitely still wrong, but I'm going about them the wrong way.

I constantly remind myself of who I am and what I contain; I carry all the attributes of Christ, because He is in me, I am in Him. He gave me everything, I possess it, and I control it. I just need to do that latter a little bit better! I need to focus on drawing these things out. I failed today. I took offence very easily where it wasn't intended, let little comments that weren't in my desire get to me and screw me up, and I ended up in tears. Now, feeling more subdued, I'm pouring it all out in characters for you to read. ('You', whoever you are. You're probably just me when I come back to read it in a week, I doubt anybody else knows this page exists. If you do, you are obligated to leave a comment right this instant, thank you :) )

Sorry if it's boring, but even this mini-rant straightened things out in my head. I like to think of Blogging as an iron for the creases in your mind. As my boyfriend quotes Petrie, "yup yup yup".